12 Reasons Why We’re Not Coming to Your Christmas Party This Year

  1. We’re introverts.  Yes, both of us.  The Professor puts on a good show but by the end of the week even he wants nothing more than to curl up on the couch with a movie alone (I can be there too as long I don’t say anything – which suits me perfectly).  We used to have the stored energy to face the onslaught of seasonal get-togethers, but now that we’re married to each other with jobs and a baby who is on us all the time – we’re maxed out on engaging other people.
  2. We have a baby (okay he’s technically a toddler now, but just barely) which means the amount of fun we will have at your party is not equal to the amount of effort required to get us all there on a Friday night after work (right when we should be putting him to bed) or the time spent recovering the next day.
  3. Running around all evening attempting to keep our toddling baby from losing an eye on one of your many pieces of sharp-edged furniture or taking sips out of people’s wine glasses (or, you know, the toilet) is not our idea of a party.
  4. You actually specified “no kids” on the Evite this year (which we get and it’s totally fine but it also means we can’t come, or at least I can’t, because our toddler still nurses at night and just started walking which means he’s got a colossal case of separation anxiety so getting a babysitter is out – plus babysitters are expensive).
  5. Babysitters are expensive (It bears repeating.  As a teenager, I was making more money per hour sitting for the families from church than I did for the first several years in my entry-level job at my current place of work).
  6. Your party starts at the exact time I was planning to go to bed.
  7. Darn… looks like it’s the same night as our wedding anniversary, which as introverts we don’t want to spend with you.
  8. We’re actually having a small party over here that night.  Looks like I forgot to invite you (mom-brain…sorry).
  9. I’m ovulating (i.e. we’re having a small party over here that night, hehe).
  10. We really just want to stay home and check out A Very Murray Christmas on Netflix.
  11. My lifelong ban on themed clothing means we have no ugly sweaters to wear and no desire to change that.
  12. We’ve already offended half the people on your guest list by not coming to their parties.  It would just be awkward if we showed up to yours.

And considering that we are currently the overly tired, socially apathetic, party-poopers who feel the need to take their destructive toddler with them everywhere, you probably aren’t going to miss us.  Do keep inviting us every year though.  Please.  Someday our time will be our own again, and we’d love to see you.

Merry Christmas!

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